Stigma

Probably the most difficult part for me now is not the schizophrenia itself (which is controlled by the meds), but the stigma the illness carries with it, combined maybe with a sense of paranoia (maybe I see stigma where there is no stigma).

I tend to be open and honest when people ask me questions which are (indirectly) related to my mental health, such as: "How come you're not employed using your degree? How come you still live with your parents?  Why are you allways tired?..."  I often find myself revealing the fact that I suffer from a psychotic illness.  Usually people ask me... what is psychosis?... I tell them it's a combination of hallucinations and delusions, which are now under control by medication.  They ask me what kind of delusions did you suffer from?... I tell them, all kinds of thoughts that aren't real such as, being chased by the mafia, thinking I was a special agent (spy), thinking the house was bugged,...  At times people react supportive.  But at other times they are just shocked by it.  I don't use the word schizophrenia when i explain my symptoms, cause it's too heavily drenched in the stigma (as is the word psychosis, which I do use).

Family have compared me to serial killers when they talked about psychosis (while i was never violent), most of my environment is in denial about my mental health problems, they say I should try harder to snap out of it.

I understand some people don't feel the need to talk about their health problems, but I do.  Some cancer patients for instance don't feel the need to talk about it, but others do.  The downside of schizophrenia is that it is not often talked about, and when people do talk about it, the conversations are usually filled with predjudice and misinformation.  It's hard having to explain your illness to other people in a way that they don't find you a freak.  Why is it so hard to understand that the brain can be ill, just as wel as any other part of the body?  Why are mentally ill people often looked upon as violent?

I know it's very hard to change these perceptions.  But in my daily life I give it a try, allthough it might end up in me loosing some friends / a job / ...  So far... i haven't lost too much luckily.